Thursday Thoughts: Finding Peace

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After months and months of prayer, counsel and discussion you finally make a decision. You feel at peace with it and at peace that God has guided you in this direction. You are excited to share what God has done in your life and ready to move forward. Yet, when you share what's been on your heart and what you believe God has led you to...OPPOSITION!!

Have you ever been there?

It's tough. It's lonely. It's...you fill in the blank. Our families philosophy has changed significantly in the past several years. Some times it's been readily accepted. And other times...not so much.

The Hubster is reading a life-changing book entitled, "Hungry for More of Jesus" by David Wilkerson. He talks about this exact situation and in his words and wisdom, I find comfort and peace.

God knows us! He permits our afflictions, saying, "You are the kind who forgets Me in good times. You neglect Me when all is well. But I love you too much to lose you to the devil. I'll awaken you through affliction, to remind you of how short life is and to make you dependent on Me."

Here are some good arguments to use when the devil tells you godly people don't suffer:

1. Christ suffered in the flesh mightily - and He was perfect.

2. Paul and all our Church fathers suffered great afflictions, yet God loved them dearly and used them mightily.

3. To the godly, suffering is not a sign of God's displeasure but a sign of sonship. Whom He loves, He chastens.

4. Every affliction is intended for my spiritual benefit and growth, and to equip me to sympathize with others in need.

5. My suffering may be grievous and painful. But if I'll accept it, afterward it will bear the fruit of holiness and pure love for God.

-Hungry for More of Jesus, pg. 163

This week has been particularly difficult for me. Not only is it coming up on the 2-month Anniversary of my Daddy's death, there are a lot of changes in store for our family. Some of them scary, some of them hopeful...but ALL of them for God's Glory!

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” 

-John 16:33, ESV

Blessings,

Annette

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Thursday Thoughts: Reality hits

My Dad holding my oldest daughter the day she was born.

The past few weeks have been rough to say the least. Some days I find myself able to get my housework/chores done, cook meals and take care of the kids with relative ease. And other days…like today…I find myself struggling to keep back the tears.

It’s the little things that get me. My kids talking about Papa living with Jesus now or my oldest talking about Indiana Jones, which he watched the first time with my Dad. And sometimes, it’s things like thinking about leaving this house where my kids made so many memories with my Dad, where he helped my husband put the flooring in and paint before we moved in. I also think about the next time God blesses us with a miracle…my Dad will not be there to hold him/her. He’s always been there.

There’s nothing I can do about it. He’s gone. He’s really gone. He’s not coming back. There’s nothing that will change that. I miss him so much it hurts. I know many of you probably know the sting of death. Man…does it sting!

But, I am so thankful that those same memories that bring tears also bring peace. Those memories are much more precious to me now. I will hold them close for the rest of my life. Pictures speak a thousand words to me now.

Today has been a rough one. A friend reminded me, the rain may be pouring down at the time but, the beautiful rainbow we saw today following the rain…that brings hope. Hope of God’s perfect will. Hope of God’s grace. Hope of God’s perfect love. And the hope of a new tomorrow.

Blessings dear friends,

Annette

Thursday Thoughts: In a funk?

I found this just sitting on my computer. Although some of it is no longer true (I have found new reasons to write), I had to finish writing it. I know other people must have times like this too and I hope to minister to you who find yourself a little “lost” at times.

“I wish I was better at writing on this thing. I just haven't felt much like writing. It's been a hard couple months and I haven't found a lot I wanted to write about. Sadness seems to be around every corner and I'm hoping we are just getting the hard stuff for this year out of the way early.  It’s so easy to let life suck you in and get you down.  It's hard not to let Satan slip in and turn life's difficulties into more pain and sadness. I'm normally such an optimistic person.....to a fault.....and it's hard for me to feel down in the dumps. I'm great at faking a smile and pretending everything is ok......even when all I want to do is cry for a whole day. I can cry with the best of them when I'm happy or overjoyed, but sadness, pain, anger.......anything that makes me feel vulnerable, I bury it deep. Don't shed a tear. I'm really good at hiding my imperfections and keeping people thinking "she's got it all together".......she doesn't.  I'm really good at leaving my troubles at the door......even when i feel like I'm drowning in them.  I don't have these "funks" very often, thank goodness, but then again since they are so rare....I don't really know what to do when I get in one.” (Mid 2011)

(Continued 2012)

Then I am reminded....I am a daughter of THE King. No matter what I've done, what I'm going through....my value to Him is not diminished.  My debt is paid.  My pain has been felt. I have to learn to accept that and take advantage of the beautiful gift my Savior gave to me.  All of life's sorrows, pain, heartbreak, fear, anger and suffering......Christ felt it......experienced it.....a billion times over. I have to let it go. I have to do better. I have to allow His atoning sacrifice to work in my life. It wasn't just for my sins......it was for all of my pain. How can I deny this gift he so lovingly and selflessly gave? After all, even if I was the only one who needed saving......He still would have come for me.

Now, here me on this. I am not saying, you should completely forget about your sadness or deny your feelings. But, I am saying that if we don’t rely on our Heavenly Father to restore us and lift us up during those times, then who are we really? Are we really His child if we don’t run to Him with our problems?

My middles are completely attached to their own blankies. Whenever they get hurt, scared or tired they want to find those blankies. They want to hold them, cuddle them and rub on them. Those blankies make them feel safe. Protected. And most often, after they find their beloved blankies, they find Momma or Daddy. They want to know we’re here for them too.

Shouldn’t we treat our Heavenly Father the same way? When we have troubles, worries, hurts…should we not run to His Word for wisdom, peace and comfort. He so desperately wants us to rely on Him and only Him. He will always be there with the right words, a peace that passes all understanding and His loving, comforting arms that hold us tight.

Allow His Word to be your “blankie”. Trust Him to do his part and He will never let you down. I promise!

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“Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?” Matthew 6:26 (NASB)

  

Blessings,

Annette

Scriptural Sundays: 2 Chronicles 16:9

"For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.”

2 Chronicles 16:9 

I am sorry I have missed a few days of posts. These past few days have been very long and difficult. My Daddy is still hanging in there and fighting with all he has, but he doesn’t have much strength left. So, I along with my mother and brothers are fighting for him and with him. But I must admit, this is NOT a battle I thought I would ever fight, nor one I wanted to fight.

My youngest brother was able to get leave this weekend from Tech school (he’s in the Air Force). He joined us late Friday night after a very, very emotional day. We were all thrilled to see him, even if it was 10pm!! And, my Daddy was happy too.

Here’s my facebook post on Saturday (copied from my mom):

Yesterday was a busy day. Went down for CT scan. Followed by breathing distress and over to Special Procedures. Stabilized with breathing treatment so on to Radiation therapy. Severe breathing distress, back to Special Procedures. Breathing treatments, sterioids, anxiety, C-pap. CT results available, no PE (basically, blood clot) but right lung collapse. Radiology - chest tube, central line put in and stable enough to do liver biopsy. So many unanswered questions. Thank you Lord for a quiet and restful night. Thank you for letting us see all 3 of our children. (My thoughts)**We have been so blessed by the prayers and support from our family and friends! Thank you all for continuing to intercede on my family's behalf!!!

After Friday, Saturday was a mostly uneventful day. I was able to visit briefly in the morning and then come back up and say goodnight to him. He was extremely tired and needed his rest after Friday.

We were hopeful after his positive day on Saturday, so it was a bit of a shock on Sunday when my mother text me early and said he had a difficult night. Lots of trapped gas causing pain and they were trying to help relieve the pressure. Apparently they were unable to do so. I got a text in the middle of church that said they were inserting a tube to empty the stomach contents and hopefully relieve gas pressure. This did not completely work and his pain was getting worse. They ordered a CT scan (which my brother and mother had to convince him to do, especially after the ordeal on Friday) and found that the intestine was “kinked” and just needed to be relaxed. So they are now in the process of emptying the upper section of intestine in order to allow the kink to relax and hopefully subside. Then, they can again go to work on the lower bowel.

Leaving my Daddy behind at the hospital is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I am absolutely POSITIVE 100% that I will see my Daddy again (when his time comes). I am just not ready to say goodbye. I was blessed to have all 4 of my grandparents alive until I was 25 years old!! And, now the thought of my kids not having their grandpa alive is sometimes more than I can bear. I will miss seeing my Daddy’s smile, hearing is roaring laughter and feeling his warm arms around me when I need a hug. I am just not ready for life without him. But, as we’re reminded in 2 Chronicles 16:9, God is there to strengthen my heart. All I need to do is ask!

But, isn’t that the hardest part…asking? I am perfectly comfortable asking for help with a project. Or asking for help with dinner. Or asking for help with my kids. But when it comes to asking God for help to strengthen us in times of trial…that seems more difficult to me. Now, don’t get me wrong, my entire family and I have been praying for strength during this whole process. But, asking for strength to bear pain…a deep pain you never knew existed before, is so much harder. Maybe it’s because that makes it more real. So.Much.More.Real.

I may not understand why my Daddy and our family has to go through this trial, but I know The One who does. And, if I remain fully committed to Him – He will continue to be my strength. And in that…that I can find rest.

Blessings,

Annette

Thursday Thoughts: Helping Children deal with grief, trials and death

So, these past few weeks have been a bit of a blur for me. It seems that trial after trial is hitting our family all at once. (Read more here.) But, it has given us great talking points with our 6-yr old.

I consulted a friend who worked in Hospice for 9-10 years on how to handle this whole situation. I had so many questions. How do we tell him? What do we tell him? How much should we leave out? How often do we let him visit the hospital? And on and on. Her answers, from her past experiences, were very helpful. So, I thought I’d share a few of her tips with you all, just in case you find yourself in the same situation someday.

How do we tell him? You just need to sit him down and calmly explain what is going on. You don’t need to give too much detail, unless he asks questions. You need to find a time when it can just be him alone and no other distractions, such as when the other children are napping.

What do we tell him? Enough, but not too much. (Now how vague is that?) In our case, we should tell him his Papa has cancer and that it is making him very sick. The Hubster also went on to say that “God may take Papa home soon. Do you know what that means?” My son says, “Yes, to his house down the street.” “No. When God takes us home, it means to Heaven.” He was real quiet. And the Hubster followed up with, “Do you have any questions?” That left it open for him to pursue anything he didn’t understand.

How much should we leave out? You don’t need to give gory details. Give just enough for them to be satisfied.

How often do we let him visit the hospital? As often as you want or he wants. As long as it’s okay with the patient. It is the parents call whether or not you want him up there when things are nearing the end. But, some kids need to see things to process them and others are okay with just knowing it happened. You know your children and their personalities, so the parents need to judge.

She also said, that in her experiences, the more the child(ren) were involved in the process the more at ease they were. For instance, one of her patients had a feeding tube and she invited the child over to help with the “feeding.” This made the tubing less scary and gave the child more confidence to visit his loved one.

If the child asks questions and is extremely curious, its okay to answer them. They will know if you’re lying to them, so don’t! BUT…answer ONLY their question. Don’t give them more information than they ask for. It can be overwhelming to them just as it is to us. But, they will need more time to process. So, don’t be surprised if they shake it off and go play for a while and come back with more questions. That is normal.

Overall, the point is, don’t hold back if the child is curious. It’s normal and perfectly okay (and even advised) to involve them in the process. Death can be a scary thing for a child because it is unknown and confusing. But, with PRAYER and God’s guidance you will have the right words to say at the right time.

I hope this helps those of you dealing with grief, trials and death. Just knowing what to say and have some of those questions answered was comforting to me as a mother.

I will leave you with an uplifting, child-like faith story: On the way to church last night, I was asking my 6yr old if he understood what Daddy told him earlier. He said yes and I asked if he had questions. He said no. I said, Really? (Not that I particularly wanted him to ask me a question, but I want him to understand..) He paused, took in a deep breath and exhaled quickly. Then, he looked at me and said (in a semi-sarcastic tone, as in…duh Mom…), “Mom…it’s okay. I know Papa’s a Christian and has Jesus in his heart. He’s going to heaven. Don’t worry…I’ll see him again!” Tears of JOY filled my eyes as I heard my son speak those sweet, sweet words. I am blessed!! Truly, truly BLESSED!!

Have any of you dealt with a trial in your family? How did you handle telling your children? What advice would you give others going through such trials?

Blessings,

Annette

Update on my daddy: They are still running more tests. Today their primary concern is stopping the bleeding in the bladder after his procedure on Monday. He is starting to have back spasms which cause his heart rate to jump up, so please be in prayer for this. They are able to control it with pain medication. Thank you for your kind words and support during this time. We feel a peace that only our Lord and Savior can give and I know it is because we are being bathed in prayer.

Scriptural Sundays: Ephesians 3:14-21

My Daddy

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” 

Ephesians 3:14-21“

If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you probably know by now what family has gone through the past couple weeks. Well, yesterday (Saturday) was no different. We received more news about the cancer invading my daddy’s body. There is a tumor on his bladder (likely where it all began) which has metastasized and spread to his lymph nodes, lungs, around his arteries and they are checking his kidney for blockage.

I’m sorry to say my initial reaction was human. I cried. HARD. I am not ready for my daddy to be gone. I admit I am selfish. I want my daddy here with me, but also for my kids. I was so blessed to grow up with all 4 of my grandparents alive and well. It was just 9 years ago that I lost my grandpa. The other three are still alive and well! I truly want the same for my own kids. I want them to know their Papa D and how generous, funny, loving, caring, kind, sweet, gentle he is. I want them to grow up listening to him sing praises to our Lord. I want them to have sweet memories of sitting in his lap for hours on end watching tv, reading a book or just sitting because they can.

Doctors have told us the tumor is inoperable. But, there are treatment plans available. My parents are talking through the options and praying for God’s guidance. However, we know that God is MUCH, MUCH BIGGER than this!!! Last night was a sweet, sweet time of prayer in my Daddy’s room. The elders and ministers gathered in his room to pray, followed by my oldest brother and 6 of his closest friends!! The Hubster and I were there with my brother and were so blessed and honored. Such sweet words were lifted up before our Heavenly Father. I am so thankful for these young men and faithful followers of Jesus Christ.

While visiting with my mother at the hospital, we found out a little more in detail about how the oncologist told them. She is the on-call doctor this weekend and the one assigned to my daddy. As she told them the extent of the cancer, she kept apologizing for having to be the one to tell them. My mother simply looked at her and said, “it’s okay. God is in control and knew before you did and He knows the outcome. It’s okay.” She looked at my mother and said, “You’re exactly right.” After she left the room, my mother went out to the family who was there and relayed the news. As she approached my grandmother and aunt, the oncologist walked up to them and asked if she could pray with them!! WOW!!! And, my mom said “…boy did she pray!” The doctor was very emotional and told my mother that she was honored to pray with them. She was honored? How many times has a doctor said that?!

We serve a MIGHTY and POWERFUL God!!!! He can and will do miracles!! The verse for today was posted on a facebook prayer page for my daddy. What a fitting verse for this time. We only ask with our finite minds, but we really have no idea the awesome power our God has!!

Thank you for taking this journey with me and my family. This blog (especially my Sunday posts) have been so therapeutic for me. I process best when I write. So, thank you for letting me share my heart.

Blessings,

Annette


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Scriptural Sunday – 15 January 2012

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”

I Peter 5:6-7

This Sunday I found myself at home with three, yes THREE, sick littles. My three youngest (ages 4.5m, 20m & 35m) have been cooped up in this house with RSV – and I along with them. We’ve made 3 trips to the doctor and one to the ER. It’s been a long sleepless, exhausting, emotionally draining week. Frankly though, I don’t feel very rested today – our “day of rest.” Maybe that’s why this verse kept playing over and over in my head. I may not be able to catch up on laundry, dishes or sleep, but if I humbly seek Him and cast all my cares upon Him, I will find rest. I will be restored. It may not be in the physical sense we’ve always known as “rest”, but I will find wholeness in Him. And that wholeness will restore my soul. And in that…that restored soul…there I will find rest. I’m so thankful that I have a loving and caring Heavenly Father whom I can cast all my cares upon. He will take the burden from me - no matter how small it is – He truly cares! What a blessing that is!

So, even though I may be completely exhausted from the long week of sickies in my house, I rest in the fact that my Heavenly Father can and will sustain me. He will be there for me at 2am when my 2yo can’t breath and needs a breathing treatment. He will be there for me at 9:30pm when the hubster is getting ready to leave for his overnight shift and I’m feeling all alone. He will even be there for me when I wake up from a blissfully restful night of sleep. Okay…who am I kidding? That never happens! But, someday it will and there He will be…waiting.

Blessings,

Annette

The BEST reward

Many of you may know that we homeschool our 5-yr old in his first year of Kindergarten. I say "we" very loosely though! It is mostly ME!! I get the lesson plans ready, I do the prep work for the daily assignments, I teach him daily - all while managing the house & 2 young kiddos. It's not easy by any means, but ABSOLUTELY the most rewarding thing I can think of this side of heaven!!

As I did more and more research about teaching Kindergarten, I realized that my son already knew most of what was taught (recognizing the alphabet, recognizing & counting to 100, sight words) and MORE! I thought, "he is going to be BORED out of his mind if I continue to do all this for another entire year!" So, I set out to find other things for him to do. I researched first grade checklists and read other homeschool blogs and information. I also talked to several homeschool moms that helped guide me in the right direction. After much discussion with my husband, friends and my research I realized that he might be ready to start reading. Wait...did I say READING???? AHHHHH!!!! A flood of emotions immediately filled my head and heart. "What if I couldn't teach him to read? He would be illiterate his entire life and would fail at getting a job or raising his own family!" Okay, I admit, I can get a little carried away sometimes...but seriously this was probably THE MOST scary part of homeschooling to me! What if he wasn't ready? What if I really couldn't teach him to read? How were we going to overcome that?

That's when the prayers started flowing daily. "Lord, help me to be a better teacher and mom today than I was yesterday. Help me to be patient with Tyler as we learn to read together. Help me see how to make it connect for him. Show me how best to teach him so he can learn ALL You have for him!" Some days were simply, "Lord, help me survive!" But, in any case I learned how important it was/is to pray for my child and how I teach them. It is paramount. It is ESSENTIAL!!

At the beginning of the year we tried a phonics book, that really looked like it worked more on his handwriting skills than phonics or reading. Frankly, he became bored very quickly & was finished with the book in 2 weeks time! That's when I decided it was time for something a little more advanced. Something that challenged him more. So, I went to worksheets I could print free from the internet. I found several great websites that had a variety of activities/worksheets to help teach clusters, long vowels, short vowels and more! So that's what we did. I would choose a cluster or long/short vowel for the week and just print off worksheets that taught them. He would do a couple a day and have a quiz on Fridays. This worked for a while, but he quickly informed me (almost daily) that he hated worksheets. And it became like pulling teeth to get him to do them. So, I set out on another mission. How can I practically show him how these worksheets/lessons will help him learn to read? Then, like a slamming door - it hit me!! LET HIM READ!!! So, we started in with our A Beka readers. He quickly realized that he really could read! He became excited and so did I!!! We had finally found what worked! He just needed to see the practical application of it all.

This week he will finish his second A Beka reader and I couldn't be more proud!! Yes, I know some kids read earlier and some read faster. But, for me...just hearing him read by himself is the BEST REWARD a mom could ever get!!!!

After feeling this GREAT, OVERWHELMING satisfaction in my sons ability to learn despite my inadequacies, I soon realized this is how our loving, heavenly Father must feel when we "get it." Sometimes the lessons we are learning in life seem so tedious and trivial, but there is always a reason! A reason we may not know very soon, but a reason nonetheless. God is always teaching us through life experiences and this one hit me hard. How many times have I rebelled against what I know to be right? How many times have I run away from something simply because it was difficult and I couldn't, in my finite mind, see the practical application or use of it in my life (at this point)? WOW!!! I am so thankful God is a loving, compassionate, PATIENT Father!! I hope that someday God will look at me with pride just as I look at my son when he's reading by himself. Big words or small - it doesn't matter! He persevered and he won! That's how I want God to see me. I want Him to be proud of me in EVERYTHING I do, say and in all that I am. I want to be my best for Him - always!

DISCLAIMER: When your child finally learns to read - be forewarned that they will read EVERYTHING!!!! And I mean EVERYTHING!! He reads every sign he can as we drive down the road. It's a constant school lesson in our car! Most of the time I don't mind, but I must admit as sweet as it is to hear my first-born son reading, I often wish he wouldn't! ;)