Thursday Thoughts: Reality hits

My Dad holding my oldest daughter the day she was born.

The past few weeks have been rough to say the least. Some days I find myself able to get my housework/chores done, cook meals and take care of the kids with relative ease. And other days…like today…I find myself struggling to keep back the tears.

It’s the little things that get me. My kids talking about Papa living with Jesus now or my oldest talking about Indiana Jones, which he watched the first time with my Dad. And sometimes, it’s things like thinking about leaving this house where my kids made so many memories with my Dad, where he helped my husband put the flooring in and paint before we moved in. I also think about the next time God blesses us with a miracle…my Dad will not be there to hold him/her. He’s always been there.

There’s nothing I can do about it. He’s gone. He’s really gone. He’s not coming back. There’s nothing that will change that. I miss him so much it hurts. I know many of you probably know the sting of death. Man…does it sting!

But, I am so thankful that those same memories that bring tears also bring peace. Those memories are much more precious to me now. I will hold them close for the rest of my life. Pictures speak a thousand words to me now.

Today has been a rough one. A friend reminded me, the rain may be pouring down at the time but, the beautiful rainbow we saw today following the rain…that brings hope. Hope of God’s perfect will. Hope of God’s grace. Hope of God’s perfect love. And the hope of a new tomorrow.

Blessings dear friends,

Annette

Teachable Tuesday: Tough lessons to learn...

Yesterday was our first day back at school after several weeks off. We were doing minimal schooling while my Dad was in the hospital, but it completely went by the wayside after his passing on February 14^th. The remainder of that week was spent making funeral arrangements, phone calls, taking care of the music aspect for the service and so much more.

Even though we did not have “traditional” school that week (or the two weeks following), my kids were learning. They were learning how to be flexible, which for my kids is a good lesson to learn! They are so used to our routine and it’s rarely interrupted, that sometimes a topsy-turvy day takes its toll on me and them.

The boys (the older of our 4 kids) also learned the heartache of loss. I think telling my boys that “Papa D” had gone to be with Jesus was one of the most difficult things I have done to date. It is so hard to watch your child go through any pain, especially the loss of someone they love so dearly.

But, along with that loss, they have learned how important it is to have Jesus in their heart! They have seen love, compassion, generosity and just plain friendship in full force. They have seen good friends step in and help (from childcare to running errands to sitting with my kids while I took a shower). They have also seen “strangers” to them bring loads of food for our family with Joy on their faces and Love in their hearts.

They have seen first-hand how The Church should love it’s people! And, that…that is something I could never do alone. So, Thank You to the people who have helped me teach my children over the past few weeks. Thank you to the friends who have stepped in and help show my kids what it means to give sacrificially.

These life lessons are so difficult to learn, especially at such a young age. But, they are so important and vital to our growth in the Lord. I am just so blessed and thankful that I get to lead my own children through this trial and time of learning. Although, really I’m walking right beside them and learning as I go along too.

Blessings,

Annette

Linking up here:

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These Five of Mine Plus Two

Raising Arrows

The Straightened Path

Deep Roots At Home

Growing Home

Above Rubies

Raising Homemakers

Women Living Well

Our Simple Farm

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Scriptural Sundays

Early Tuesday morning, February 14^th, my Daddy went to his Eternal Home. Today was my Daddy’s funeral. (I have not had a chance to write about everything yet. But, I will.)  We planned his service as a Celebration and I think that’s exactly what it was. Much more laughter than sadness. That was my Daddy…the life of the party! I am so blessed and thankful to have called him Daddy.

For this morning’s post, I wanted to share the songs we sang at the Celebration service. I hope they bless you as much as they did us.

“He Is” by Mark Shultz

“Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)”

“Worthy is the Lamb”

“I Will Rise”

“Revelation Song”

And, I want to share with you the words of my favorite song:

There’s a peace I’ve come to know

Though my heart and flesh may fail

There’s an anchor for my soul

I can say “It is well”

Jesus has overcome

And the grave is overwhelmed

The victory is won

He is risen from the dead

[Chorus]

And I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles’ wings

Before my God fall on my knees

And rise

I will rise

There’s a day that’s drawing near

When this darkness breaks to light

And the shadows disappear

And faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome

And the grave is overwhelmed

The victory is won

He is risen from the dead

[Chorus]

And I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles’ wings

Before my God fall on my knees

And rise

I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,

“Worthy is the Lamb”

And I hear the cry of every longing heart,

“Worthy is the Lamb”

[repeat]

[Chorus]

And I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles’ wings

Before my God fall on my knees

And rise

I will rise

Blessings,

Annette


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Thursday Thoughts: Helping Children deal with grief, trials and death

So, these past few weeks have been a bit of a blur for me. It seems that trial after trial is hitting our family all at once. (Read more here.) But, it has given us great talking points with our 6-yr old.

I consulted a friend who worked in Hospice for 9-10 years on how to handle this whole situation. I had so many questions. How do we tell him? What do we tell him? How much should we leave out? How often do we let him visit the hospital? And on and on. Her answers, from her past experiences, were very helpful. So, I thought I’d share a few of her tips with you all, just in case you find yourself in the same situation someday.

How do we tell him? You just need to sit him down and calmly explain what is going on. You don’t need to give too much detail, unless he asks questions. You need to find a time when it can just be him alone and no other distractions, such as when the other children are napping.

What do we tell him? Enough, but not too much. (Now how vague is that?) In our case, we should tell him his Papa has cancer and that it is making him very sick. The Hubster also went on to say that “God may take Papa home soon. Do you know what that means?” My son says, “Yes, to his house down the street.” “No. When God takes us home, it means to Heaven.” He was real quiet. And the Hubster followed up with, “Do you have any questions?” That left it open for him to pursue anything he didn’t understand.

How much should we leave out? You don’t need to give gory details. Give just enough for them to be satisfied.

How often do we let him visit the hospital? As often as you want or he wants. As long as it’s okay with the patient. It is the parents call whether or not you want him up there when things are nearing the end. But, some kids need to see things to process them and others are okay with just knowing it happened. You know your children and their personalities, so the parents need to judge.

She also said, that in her experiences, the more the child(ren) were involved in the process the more at ease they were. For instance, one of her patients had a feeding tube and she invited the child over to help with the “feeding.” This made the tubing less scary and gave the child more confidence to visit his loved one.

If the child asks questions and is extremely curious, its okay to answer them. They will know if you’re lying to them, so don’t! BUT…answer ONLY their question. Don’t give them more information than they ask for. It can be overwhelming to them just as it is to us. But, they will need more time to process. So, don’t be surprised if they shake it off and go play for a while and come back with more questions. That is normal.

Overall, the point is, don’t hold back if the child is curious. It’s normal and perfectly okay (and even advised) to involve them in the process. Death can be a scary thing for a child because it is unknown and confusing. But, with PRAYER and God’s guidance you will have the right words to say at the right time.

I hope this helps those of you dealing with grief, trials and death. Just knowing what to say and have some of those questions answered was comforting to me as a mother.

I will leave you with an uplifting, child-like faith story: On the way to church last night, I was asking my 6yr old if he understood what Daddy told him earlier. He said yes and I asked if he had questions. He said no. I said, Really? (Not that I particularly wanted him to ask me a question, but I want him to understand..) He paused, took in a deep breath and exhaled quickly. Then, he looked at me and said (in a semi-sarcastic tone, as in…duh Mom…), “Mom…it’s okay. I know Papa’s a Christian and has Jesus in his heart. He’s going to heaven. Don’t worry…I’ll see him again!” Tears of JOY filled my eyes as I heard my son speak those sweet, sweet words. I am blessed!! Truly, truly BLESSED!!

Have any of you dealt with a trial in your family? How did you handle telling your children? What advice would you give others going through such trials?

Blessings,

Annette

Update on my daddy: They are still running more tests. Today their primary concern is stopping the bleeding in the bladder after his procedure on Monday. He is starting to have back spasms which cause his heart rate to jump up, so please be in prayer for this. They are able to control it with pain medication. Thank you for your kind words and support during this time. We feel a peace that only our Lord and Savior can give and I know it is because we are being bathed in prayer.