Teachable Tuesday: Tough lessons to learn...

Yesterday was our first day back at school after several weeks off. We were doing minimal schooling while my Dad was in the hospital, but it completely went by the wayside after his passing on February 14^th. The remainder of that week was spent making funeral arrangements, phone calls, taking care of the music aspect for the service and so much more.

Even though we did not have “traditional” school that week (or the two weeks following), my kids were learning. They were learning how to be flexible, which for my kids is a good lesson to learn! They are so used to our routine and it’s rarely interrupted, that sometimes a topsy-turvy day takes its toll on me and them.

The boys (the older of our 4 kids) also learned the heartache of loss. I think telling my boys that “Papa D” had gone to be with Jesus was one of the most difficult things I have done to date. It is so hard to watch your child go through any pain, especially the loss of someone they love so dearly.

But, along with that loss, they have learned how important it is to have Jesus in their heart! They have seen love, compassion, generosity and just plain friendship in full force. They have seen good friends step in and help (from childcare to running errands to sitting with my kids while I took a shower). They have also seen “strangers” to them bring loads of food for our family with Joy on their faces and Love in their hearts.

They have seen first-hand how The Church should love it’s people! And, that…that is something I could never do alone. So, Thank You to the people who have helped me teach my children over the past few weeks. Thank you to the friends who have stepped in and help show my kids what it means to give sacrificially.

These life lessons are so difficult to learn, especially at such a young age. But, they are so important and vital to our growth in the Lord. I am just so blessed and thankful that I get to lead my own children through this trial and time of learning. Although, really I’m walking right beside them and learning as I go along too.

Blessings,

Annette

Linking up here:

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Thursday Thoughts: Our Last Good-bye

The stack of cards that have blessed my Mom

This is our LAST good-bye, for when we meet again it will be FOREVER!!!

Valentine’s Day will forever be changed. For my family, this day will hold a different meaning than most. In the wee hours of the morning, my earthly Daddy went HOME. He was with his sweetie and only her. He was tired and ready for his eternal reward.

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind in our family. (Read more here and here.) And the past few days have been a blur. Right now it’s surreal. I know that will soon wear-off, but for now I am okay with it. My brother’s and I have been thrust into planning mode…a mode I wish on no one. At least not for this reason.

There are no words to express how I feel right now other than numb. It almost seems that life is passing me by and I am watching from the outside. I know my Daddy was tired and ready to go Home. I saw it in his eyes. He had run his race. I just wish his race has lasted so much longer. But, as my brother and I talked we realized, just seeing our kids wasn’t enough. We wanted him to see our kids graduate high school, get married, have kids of their own and so much more!! We just wanted him here.

Even though our flesh pleaded for more time, we also know the Lord is and was in control of this entire situation.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

Isaiah 55:8-9 (NASB)

As a human, I question why this had to happen now and why so fast. But, as a Christian, I am so excited to see what God’s purpose is in all this. Our family has already seen so, so many UH-MA-ZING things happen. Here’s just a few I would like to share with you.

*        My brother’s plane ticket was covered in full by an anonymous person.

*        The extra expense of a Saturday burial was covered by someone.

*        The nurse tech on my Dad’s floor told my mom he couldn’t believe a family would stay together like ours did. He had never seen anything like it.

*        Christian doctors surrounded us and even prayed with my mother!

*        Babysitters have stepped up and volunteered to watch my kiddos (this is a HUGE thing for me!)

*        My husband’s employer has given him double the days for bereavement, which has allowed him to be home with me and the kids. He’s been able to not only support me, but also help with arrangements. What a blessing!!!

*        People at my mom’s work shared their PTO time when hers ran out, just so she could stay with my Dad.

*        My Mom’s work opened an account at the credit union for people to donate.

*        Friends gave money to help pay the bills while my Dad was in the hospital.

*        We were so blessed with food that we were able to feed not only our family for 5 days, but also 2 other families in need!! WOW!

And so much more!!! I could go on and on about how BLESSED we have been. It is so nice to know that I don’t have to worry about dinner after running around taking care of arrangements all day. We have more food than we know what to do with!! We could literally feed an army…at least a small one!

I am not at all ready to say my final good-bye to my Daddy. But, I am so very thankful this will be my LAST good-bye!!!!  Because when I see my Daddy again, it will be FOREVER!!!!

I love you Daddy! Forever and Always!

Blessings,

Annette

(Over the next few weeks I will be sharing a personal testimony about my Daddy’s life and the impact it had on me! Stay tuned!!)

NOTE: This post was written last week before the Celebration service. I just waited to post it.




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Thursday Thoughts: Helping Children deal with grief, trials and death

So, these past few weeks have been a bit of a blur for me. It seems that trial after trial is hitting our family all at once. (Read more here.) But, it has given us great talking points with our 6-yr old.

I consulted a friend who worked in Hospice for 9-10 years on how to handle this whole situation. I had so many questions. How do we tell him? What do we tell him? How much should we leave out? How often do we let him visit the hospital? And on and on. Her answers, from her past experiences, were very helpful. So, I thought I’d share a few of her tips with you all, just in case you find yourself in the same situation someday.

How do we tell him? You just need to sit him down and calmly explain what is going on. You don’t need to give too much detail, unless he asks questions. You need to find a time when it can just be him alone and no other distractions, such as when the other children are napping.

What do we tell him? Enough, but not too much. (Now how vague is that?) In our case, we should tell him his Papa has cancer and that it is making him very sick. The Hubster also went on to say that “God may take Papa home soon. Do you know what that means?” My son says, “Yes, to his house down the street.” “No. When God takes us home, it means to Heaven.” He was real quiet. And the Hubster followed up with, “Do you have any questions?” That left it open for him to pursue anything he didn’t understand.

How much should we leave out? You don’t need to give gory details. Give just enough for them to be satisfied.

How often do we let him visit the hospital? As often as you want or he wants. As long as it’s okay with the patient. It is the parents call whether or not you want him up there when things are nearing the end. But, some kids need to see things to process them and others are okay with just knowing it happened. You know your children and their personalities, so the parents need to judge.

She also said, that in her experiences, the more the child(ren) were involved in the process the more at ease they were. For instance, one of her patients had a feeding tube and she invited the child over to help with the “feeding.” This made the tubing less scary and gave the child more confidence to visit his loved one.

If the child asks questions and is extremely curious, its okay to answer them. They will know if you’re lying to them, so don’t! BUT…answer ONLY their question. Don’t give them more information than they ask for. It can be overwhelming to them just as it is to us. But, they will need more time to process. So, don’t be surprised if they shake it off and go play for a while and come back with more questions. That is normal.

Overall, the point is, don’t hold back if the child is curious. It’s normal and perfectly okay (and even advised) to involve them in the process. Death can be a scary thing for a child because it is unknown and confusing. But, with PRAYER and God’s guidance you will have the right words to say at the right time.

I hope this helps those of you dealing with grief, trials and death. Just knowing what to say and have some of those questions answered was comforting to me as a mother.

I will leave you with an uplifting, child-like faith story: On the way to church last night, I was asking my 6yr old if he understood what Daddy told him earlier. He said yes and I asked if he had questions. He said no. I said, Really? (Not that I particularly wanted him to ask me a question, but I want him to understand..) He paused, took in a deep breath and exhaled quickly. Then, he looked at me and said (in a semi-sarcastic tone, as in…duh Mom…), “Mom…it’s okay. I know Papa’s a Christian and has Jesus in his heart. He’s going to heaven. Don’t worry…I’ll see him again!” Tears of JOY filled my eyes as I heard my son speak those sweet, sweet words. I am blessed!! Truly, truly BLESSED!!

Have any of you dealt with a trial in your family? How did you handle telling your children? What advice would you give others going through such trials?

Blessings,

Annette

Update on my daddy: They are still running more tests. Today their primary concern is stopping the bleeding in the bladder after his procedure on Monday. He is starting to have back spasms which cause his heart rate to jump up, so please be in prayer for this. They are able to control it with pain medication. Thank you for your kind words and support during this time. We feel a peace that only our Lord and Savior can give and I know it is because we are being bathed in prayer.